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The Room

Joshua Harris, pastor in New England, had this dream years ago as a teenager. It was originally published in New Attitude magazine in 1995. If you struggle with guilt over past, forgiven sins, this is a must read. If you think your sins are too much for God, read this.

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed.”

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. “Books I Have Read,” “Lies I Have Told,” “Comfort I Have Given,” “Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I’ve Yelled at My Brothers.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in My Anger,” “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.” I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 20 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To,” I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts,” I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With.” The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

“No!” I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no,” as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.”

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

By Joshua Harris. Orginally published in New Attitude Magazine. Copyright New Attitude, 1995. You have permission to reprint this in any form. We only ask that you include the appropriate copyright byline and do not alter the content.

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10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Graduated High School

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  1. Your best days are ahead. High school is a warm-up for the rest of your life. The biggest things in your life have not yet happened: College. A career. Marriage. Children. Buying a house. That’s what life is made of.
  2. Who you’re with matters as much as what you do. Doing the right thing with the wrong people will ultimately land you in the wrong place. You can change what you do, but you can’t change who you’re with.
  3. Air is thin on the mountaintops…don’t rush through the valleys. Suffering is inevitable. It’s also when you grow. Don’t avoid it–embrace it.
  4. What you do when you’re single is what you’ll do when you’re married. You won’t suddenly change when you walk down the aisle. The habits you make now, you’ll practice then. Be careful who you become.
  5. If you write down your goals, you’ll be more likely to accomplish them. We are all prone to drift so focus is necessary. If you don’t aim for anything…well, you’ll hit your target every time.
  6. Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. (Ok, so I didn’t come up with that. My distant cousin C.S. Lewis did.) I spent four years of college aiming at earth. Heaven came into clear focus in graduate school and I’ve never been the same since.
  7. Attitude trumps aptitude almost every time. How you handle knowledge is almost as important as knowledge itself. Pride goes before a fall. (Proverbs 16:18)
  8. You’re never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you’re never as bad as they say when you lose. (Lou Holtz) In other words, don’t believe your own press. God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. (1 Peter 5:5)
  9. Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less. I have no idea who said this, but it’s true. Humility is not self-deprecation; it is selfless living. There is a big difference.
  10. Jesus is everything. I know it sounds cliche, even trite, because so many people say it. But it’s true. Name one other person who, before you ever did anything good for him, was brutally beaten, crowned with thorns, and hung on a tree so you could have the life you’ve always wanted. Jesus is everything.
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Why the Hope of America is Graduating This Weekend (Part Two)

Assaults. Bank robberies. Profanity. Women fearing for their safety. Who would have thought that the late 1700’s looked like this in the very young United States. Change was on the horizon and its source was as surprising as the moral demise of the young nation. J. Edwin Orr continues:

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Then, suddenly, at the turn of the century, the nation made a spiritual about-face that affected every level of society–from the frontiers to the college campuses. The beginning of this dramatic change can be traced to Hampden Sydney College in Virginia. In 1787, with the moral climate there deteriorating rapidly, five non-Christian students decided to hold a prayer meeting to ask for God’s help. They locked themselves in a room, for fear of the other students, and kept their voices down so they would not be caught. However, the other students discovered them and tried to break down the door.

The president rebuked them saying, “You don’t mind cheating, you, don’t mind stealing from rooms, you don’t mind the lying and the profanity you get on this campus, but you object to a prayer meeting. Well, I do not!” He then knocked on the door and said authoritatively, “This is the president of the college speaking. Will you please come out?” The students unlocked the door and came out not knowing what to expect. President Smith said, “Gentlemen, come to my study, we’ll pray there together.” This prayer meeting marked the beginning of American campus revivals during the Second Great Awakening of the 1790s and early 1800s. Not only did half the students at Hampden Sydney College turn to Christ as a result, but the revival also spread to local churches and to other schools, having similar effects.

Who would shave thought that a much needed revival for a nation faltering early in its history would have come from college students? What about James Madison or Thomas Jefferson? God used unknown college students to bring a wave of revival that affected an entire nation.

Orr continues:

In college after college, students formed similar Christian fellowships. At Harvard, Bowdoin, Brown, Dartmouth, Middlebury, Williams, and Andover, students began to meet and pray. The students at Brown formed the College Praying Society which met in a private room “for fear of disturbance from the impenitent.” In December 1802, at Harvard, seven students formed the Saturday Evening Religious Society, which also met secretly. At Yale, president Timothv Dwight regularly preached apologetical messages in chapel, hitting the relativistic philosophy of the day head-on with such talks as “Are the New Testament Documents Reliable?” As a result of the Christians’ prayer and Dwight’s powerful presentations, one third of Yale’s student body accepted Christ in 1802.

I am convinced that America’s hope will walk across the stage this weekend…not across the political stage next fall. Yes, we need a godly president. We need God’s man or woman to lead this country. However, both Great Awakenings in the United States have found their roots in revival among college students.

Will you be that student? What will happen on your campus this fall?

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Why the Hope of America is Graduating This Weekend

To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings. (1 Corinthians 9:22-23 ESV)

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This week hundreds of students will graduate from McDowell High School–hundreds of thousands from schools across the United States. What could happen if the thousands of Christian students graduating this week showed up on college campuses this fall with an agenda: to rock that campus for Christ. In order to better understand this, let’s step back in time to 1790. J. Edwin Orr, longtime professor at Fuller Seminary, shares this:

In 1790 America had won its independence, but it had lost something as well. In the wake of the Revolutionary War, French infidelity, deism, and the generally unsettled condition of society had driven the moral and spiritual climate of the colonies to an all-time low. Drunkenness was epidemic; profanity was of the most shocking kind; bank robberies were a daily occurrence; and far the first time in the history of the American settlement women were afraid to go out at night for fear of being assaulted.

Surprised! Colleges were seedbeds of apostasy and debauchery. Orr continues:

A poll taken at Harvard revealed not one believer in the whole student body. Conditions on campus had degenerated to the point that all but five at Princeton were part of the “filthy speech” movement of that day. While students there developed the art of obscene conversation, at Williams College they held a mock communion, and at Dartmouth students put on an “anti-church” play.  In New Jersey the radical leader of the deist students led a mob to the Raritan Valley Presbyterian Church where they burned the Bible in a public bonfire. Christians were so few on the average campus and were so intimidated by the non-Christians that they met in secret. They even kept their minutes in code so no one could find out about their clandestine fellowship.

America seemed to be on a hopeless trajectory toward devastation when 1790 happened. Tomorrow we will talk about how a group of students impacted an entire country. Wow!

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Why Lebron James Works so Hard

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ESV)

lebronjames23Last night the Cleveland Cavaliers beat the Golden State Warriors in an overtime thriller. It is quite an accomplishment to beat the Warriors in their own house, especially without the assistance (or literally assists) of Kyrie Irving. It was an impressive win. James had 39 points, 16 rebounds and 11 assists. The Cavs won game 18 of their last 20. What a game!

When we watch games we’re only privy to a sliver of the action–what we don’t see is the daily regimen athletes endure. Paul, writing here of the Greek games in his day, says every athlete exercises self-control in all things. Athletes in the ancient games were required to practice 10 months (and no nothing else but practice) before the games. Today, athletes prepare four years before the Olympics. Sometimes that preparation is for a 10 second sprint in the 100 meter. At other times it is for the best attempt at the triple jump. Four years is condensed into 18 feet!

They do it to obtain a perishable wreath. In Paul’s day the “medal” was a wreath made of leaves. It withered and died. Today it is a gold, silver, or bronze medallion. It will one day melt when the earth is consumed in fire. It is perishable too. Lebron is playing for another championship ring–two are not enough. How serious is he? Recently he shared his daily diet routine:

  • Meal 1 (6.25am): Whole wheat bagel with 1 tablespoon peanut butter, 1/2 cup of strawberries, 1/2 cup cottage cheese
  • Meal 2 (9.30 am): 1-cup orange juice, 1 banana, 1 scoop protein power with 1 cup of milk (low fat).
  • Meal 3 (12 noon): Lean roast beef with whole-wheat bun. Lettuce, tomato, 2 tablespoons of mustard, low fat cheddar cheese, and a 1-cup milk (low fat).
  • Meal 4 (2.30 pm): 1/2 cup blueberries, 1-cup low fat natural yogurt, 1/2 glass milk, and one granola bar.
  • Meal 5 (5.00 pm): 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup milk, 1 cup orange juice, an 1 cup low fat strawberry yoghurt (with or without 1.2 tablespoon of honey)
  • Meal 6 (8.30 pm): 11/2 cup small broccoli, 1/2 cup rice, 1/3 cup orange juice, 3 oz chicken breasts, sliced water chestnuts (4 ounces) and 1.2 tablespoon virgin oil

Now you’re feeling bad about that doughnut you just finished eating.

Paul says that we compete for an imperishable wreath. Our wreath is not our entry into heaven. It isn’t even hearing God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” It is others. Don’t miss this. He says, “lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” In verse one Paul called the Corinthian believers his workmanship and the seal of his apostleship.

If you’re a parent of teenagers, they are your imperishable wreath. If you’re an employer, your employees are your imperishable wreath. Teachers…students. Coaches…athletes. Doctors…patients.  Neighbors…neighbors. You get the picture.

Do they matter to you as much as a third championship ring to Lebron?

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A Prayer for Saturday

From The Valley of Vision, a book of Puritan prayers:

My God, I bless you that you have given me the eye of faith to see you as Father, to know you as a covenant God, to experience your love planted in me; for faith is the grace of union by which I spell out my entitlement to you.

Faith casts my anchor upward where I trust in you and engage you to be my Lord.

Be pleased to live and move within me, breathing in my prayers, inhabiting my praises, speaking in my words, moving in my actions, living in my life, causing me to grow in grace.

Your bounteous goodness has helped me believe, but my faith is weak and wavering, its light dim, its steps tottering, its increase slow, its backsliding frequent; it should scale the heavens, but lies groveling in the dust.

Lord, fan this divine spark into glowing flame.

When faith sleeps, my heart becomes an unclean thing, the fount of every loathsome desire, the cage of unclean lusts all fluttering to escape, the noxious tree of deadly fruit, the open wayside of earthly tares.

Lord, awake faith to put forth its strength until all heaven fills my soul and all impurity is cast out.

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Sinning Against Christ

earthIn 1 Corinthians 8 Paul addressed a very specific problem in the Corinthian church: eating meat offered to idols. Some possessed a special knowledge:

Therefore, as to the eating of food offered to idols, we know that “an idol has no real existence,” and that “there is no God but one.” (1 Corinthians 8:4 ESV)

There was nothing wrong with this knowledge: as a matter of fact, there was everything right with it! Idols have no real existence. Their power is not inherent–it lies in the illusions of peoples’ minds who worship them. There is no God but one.  God, the Creator, Sustainer and Redeemer of the universe stands alone as God. He is unequaled in power and position. In 1867, Walter Smith wrote these words:

Immortal, invisible, God only wise, in light inaccessible hid from our eyes, most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days, almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.

Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light, nor wanting, nor wasting, thou rulest in might: thy justice, like mountains high soaring above, thy clouds which are fountains of goodness and love.

Some, knowing how great God was and how foolish idols were, had no problem eating meat offered to idols. “There’s nothing wrong with that meat,” they thought! “God is greater than those idols.” What they didn’t realize was that, sitting in their midst, were weak-minded new Christians. Their faith wasn’t sure–their understanding shallow. They were spooked by the meat and for them to eat it meant they had returned to their old way of life. Paul made it clear: when you notice such a brother, put the meat aside. Don’t offend him. How far did he go in giving this instruction:

Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. (1 Corinthians 8:12 ESV)

From Paul’s statement we learn that Christ lives in his people–weak and strong. The strong are to bear the burdens of the weak. Rather than wounding their conscience, build their faith. This takes the focus off of meat and puts it on the Message.

Smith finishes his great hymn:

To all, life thou givest, to both great and small; in all life thou livest, the true life of all; we blossom and flourish like leaves on the tree, then wither and perish, but naught changeth thee.

Thou reignest in glory, thou dwellest in light, thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight; all praise we would render; O help us to see, ’tis only the splendor of light hideth thee!

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Every Avery Needs an Eleck

In yesterday’s blog I shared about how to be sensitive toward new believers. One person who did that was Eleck Hensley. As we approach graduation our thoughts naturally go to him. Last October when Eleck went to be with the Lord, I wrote this blog. I thought it fitting to share it again:

In Matthew 25 Jesus gives a surprising view of the end of time.  He pictures himself seated on a throne judging people from all the nations.  The people are separated into two groups–just like a shepherd would separate sheep from goats.  Jesus, the King, looks at the ones on his right and says, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.”  Jesus continues, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.”  The righteous people answer with surprise that they have ministered to the King like this.  “Lord, when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?”  The King answers, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”

When I read this, I was not surprised at the outcome:  God has always rewarded faithfulness and obedience.  I was surprised at the surprise of the righteous people:  they had no idea they had ministered to the King Himself!  I think Eleck, when welcomed into the presence of Jesus the King, was just as surprised.

This weekend, I received an email from Avery Poteat’s father.  You may recall that Avery is the young man with autism whom Eleck nominated as homecoming king, campaigned for and celebrated when he won–just two days before he went to see King Jesus.  Alan, Avery’s dad, wanted us to know the rest of the story:

Dear Hensley Family,
I have heard many wonderful things about Eleck and I just wanted to add what he means to my family.
I asked my son to recount the first time he met Eleck. He said it was in Mr. Jones’ class in the tenth grade. He sat down and Eleck asked him his name. I remember when I asked him how his day had been he said he had met a guy in his class and his name is Eleck. My son sometimes struggles with names and so I challenged his pronunciation of Eleck’s name to which he insisted, “No! His name is Eleck!” Throughout that year when I would inquire how his day had been he would often say, “I had lunch with Eleck and some of his friends,” or sometimes he might tell me something Eleck had said or done. When the yearbooks were delivered that year, my son made sure to show me Eleck’s name. He then proudly said, “I told you daddy; I know my friend’s name.” The thing that I admire about their friendship is that Eleck chose my son, not because of what he could gain in the eyes of the world, but he shows the love and compassion of Jesus.
Moving forward to a couple of weeks ago, my son came in and announced that he had been nominated to the homecoming court. This past Thursday night we were completely surprised by the outcome. As we talked to one of Avery’s teachers it was stated that he had voted for Eleck. The teacher said that she was almost positive that Eleck had voted for Avery. It was then that I had an idea Eleck was the one that had thought so much of someone else that he deferred the possibility of homecoming king. I confirmed this when Brother Jerry was interviewed on WLOS. I would later find out that he had not only campaigned for him, but also stood up to those that would say negative things about my son.  Oh, that we all could have the kind of integrity that God gives and Eleck possesses.
I have used the present tense on some statements because I believe that there are some things left to this story. I cannot fully back this up with the Bible, so as Paul said I speak as a man. It is my deep desire, when I get to heaven and I have worshiped around the throne of God, if it be God’s will to allow me to remember this time, I am going to find Eleck and thank him so much for the love of God that he bestowed to my son.
The other thing that I believe will happen is when my son gets to heaven, if there is a welcoming party that Eleck will be there and say, “Hey pal, we’ve been waiting for you. Come on. Let me take you to see Jesus.”
I close with the words of a song from Andre Crouch.
It Won’t Be Long
It won’t be long… till we’ll be leaving
It won’t be long… till we’ll be going home.
Count the years as months,
Count the months as weeks,
Counts the weeks as days…
Any day now…We’ll be going home.
You all are in my family’s prayers.
W. Alan Poteat
Every Avery needs an Eleck.  Who’s your Avery?
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Please Don’t Trip Me Up

However, not all possess this knowledge. But some, through former association with idols, eat food as really offered to an idol, and their conscience, being weak, is defiled.  Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do. But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. (1 Corinthians 8:7-9 ESV)

oo_stumblesIf newborn Christians could articulate it, I think this is what they would say:

I’m a newbie, green behind the ears, just a few days old. I still have flashbacks from my old way of life. Sometimes I’m up–other times I’m down. When I come to a worship service, I feel so close to God. By Tuesday I feel vulnerable, even afraid.

Please don’t trip me up.

My old friends are gone. I can’t hang out with them anymore–and they think I’m weird anyway. They don’t understand why what I once did is so wrong to me, and what I want to do seems so weird to them. I use phrases like “brother” for someone not even related to me. And sometimes I talk about loving someone I’ve barely known.

Please don’t trip me up.

I have questions and I feel dumb asking them. When the preacher says to turn somewhere in the Bible, I’m thankful for my smart phone. I have no idea where a book is, let alone chapter and verse. Everybody around me seems so smart–I have so much to learn.

Please don’t trip me up.

I don’t understand the Trinity–and I actually think other people do! I thought it would be interesting to read the book of Revelation…and then someone told me that wasn’t the best idea. So I started in Genesis. I actually made it to Leviticus. What was I thinking?

Please don’t trip me up.

I have this nagging fear. What if I mess up? Blow it? Fall into the same sin that plagued me before I trusted Christ. What if I fail.

Please don’t trip me up.

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Impostor gods

impostorMouseTherefore, as to the eating of food offered to idols, we know that “an idol has no real existence,” and that “there is no God but one.” For although there may be so-called gods in heaven or on earth—as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”—yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist. (1 Corinthians 8:4-6 ESV)

Dictionary.com defines impostor as a person who practices deception under an assumed character, identity, or name. The world is filled with idols–gods with a little “g” that wage war against the one true God. Sometimes they masquerade as beneficial, even necessary, parts of life. A career, investment account, car, accomplishments, hobby, body image, or college degree can look, feel and even act like a god. Other times, gods are inherently evil yet subtly deceptive: alcohol, drugs, pornography, workaholism.

Kyle Idleman, in Gods at War says it this way:

Idolatry isn’t just one of many sins; rather it’s the one great sin that all others come from. So if you start scratching at whatever struggle you’re dealing with, eventually you’ll find that underneath it is a false god. Until that god is dethroned, and the Lord God takes his rightful place, you will not have victory. Idolatry isn’t an issue; it is the issue. All roads lead to the dusty, overlooked concept of false gods. Deal with life on the glossy outer layers, and you might never see it; scratch a little beneath the surface, and you begin to see that it’s always there, under some other coat of paint. There are a hundred million different symptoms, but the issue is always idolatry.

In 1 Corinthians 8, Paul makes it clear that God is the goal of our existence and Jesus is the means. He describes God as the Father “from whom are all things and for whom we exist.” In a word, God is not only the beginning of our existence, He is the end!

In the same breath Paul makes it clear that Jesus is the means of our existence. Jesus is the one “through whom are all things,” and “through whom we exist.”

Jesus is no impostor.

He is both the creator and the crucified one. In Genesis, he said “let there be,” and in Gethsemane, he cried, “not my will, but yours be done.” In Genesis he started everything; on the cross he cried, “It is finished.” In Genesis he introduced death; on the 3rd day he conquered death!

Jesus is no impostor.