Why You May be So Angry…And Not Realize It

Since March everything has changed. Family get-togethers have become taboo. A handshake has become an awkward elbow-tap. Once recognizable faces are covered with an array of masks. Ball stadiums sit empty, health departments packed full. Everything has changed.

We have learned some things about ourselves. We are spoiled. We really don’t have to go out and eat every day. We don’t have to go to our favorite vacation spot. We don’t need to shop near as much as we thought we did. We are also sad. We miss hanging out. We want to touch, embrace, shake a hand, give a high-five. We long to sit around a table together and not wonder if we’re at risk. We’re weary of hand sanitizer, masks and bad news. We want to be normal again…whatever that is.

We’re grieving. When you experience loss you grieve.

Grief is the acute pain that accompanies loss.

–Psychology Today

Some have lost loved ones to Covid or other illnesses. Some have lost the ability to walk into a nursing home and sit with their mother, father, grandfather, friend. Some have lost their jobs, others have lost the ability to have a proper funeral for their deceased loved one.

We’re grieving.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross researched patients who had to come to terms with their terminal illness diagnosis. She determined that these patients go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I agree with David Feldman (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/supersurvivors/201707/why-the-five-stages-grief-are-wrong) that the stages of grief are more like a roller coaster. Sometimes people go back and forth, looping from one stage to the next, and back to the prior stage. Grief is messy.

And grief is angry. Scripture doesn’t forbid anger…as a matter of fact, Scripture commands it. Paul writes in Ephesians 4:26-27 “Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath and give no opportunity for the devil.” If you have lost something valuable, you are grieving. And if you are grieving, you might be angry–and not know it.

How can you know if anger is lurking beneath the surface? Here are three simple diagnostic questions:

  1. Do things that don’t normally bother you now irritate you?
  2. Are you “short” in your responses to the most important people in your life?
  3. Do you complain more and thank less?

You may need to have a sunset showdown. Today. Get alone with God, or God and a trusted friend, and talk out your anger. Consider these simple steps:

  1. Write down what you are grieving most.
  2. Tell God.
  3. Tell your spouse, a trusted friend, or an accountability partner.

And do that again. Every day if you have too. Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. And be thankful. As Christians we have a mandate and an opportunity others do not:

Be thankful in all things, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18, ESV)

Fret Not

Merriam-Webster defines fretting as “to cause to suffer emotional strain.” The Hebrew word occurs ninety times in the Bible. In the Hebrew, the meaning is more intense: to be hot, furious, become angry, be kindled. To fret is to be worried and angry, anxious and frustrated. Fretting and envy are close cousins.

King David writes Psalm 37 as an older man, looking back over years of battle. He was Israel’s bloodiest king, routing enemies on all sides in order to settle the land and protect his people. It is from David’s words here that we find real reasons why we shouldn’t fret.

Don’t fret because evildoers will fade away. Evil has an expiration date. They will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb. Green grass that sprouts over night withers under the intense heat of the sun. This is a vivid picture–I wonder if it’s a play on words. No one is more angry with the injustice that is happening to you than God. He, at his very core is just, and hates injustice. For the evildoers shall be cut off. The Lord laughs at the wicked, he sees that his day is coming. (37:9,13)

Don’t fret, it tends only to evil. It’s hard (not impossible) to be angry and not sin. Anger is like a caged lion–open the door too soon and it will come roaring out with little or no concern about who or what is in its path. Paul encourages us to be angry and do not sin. (Ephesians 4:26)

Now that we know what not to do, what do we do?

Trust.
Delight.

Commit.
Be still.
Wait patiently.

What if we trust instead of go on a tirade? Delight instead of demand? Be still instead of be stupid? David answers…

I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. He is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing. (Psalm 37:25-26, ESV)

My Enemies Meet My God

jon-tyson-YtYNavix3pw-unsplashDavid was a ruddy teenager on a Grubhub delivery. Too young to be on the battleground, his dad tasked him with the job of carrying bread and grain to his older brothers enlisted in the army in a monumental standoff with the notorious Goliath. David’s brothers, along with all of their comrades, were terrified. When David looked at the 9-foot-tall behemoth, he saw an even bigger God: “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?”

After navigating the disdain of his brothers and the red tape of Saul’s attempt to put David in his own armor, he took a sling and a few stones and approached Goliath. Goliath saw David’s stones and mocked; David saw Goliath’s sword and remembered: “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied….For the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hand.” You could summarize David’s statements with this one declaration: my enemy meet my God. Little did David know that his one battle would be the predecessor of many. The Saul who offered David his armor would soon hunt David down.

Psalm 18 was written with that reality in mind.

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, the servant of the LORD, who addressed the words of this song to the LORD on the day when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul. He said:

I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies. (Psalm 18:1-3, ESV)

Saul pursued David because he was jealous, furiously jealous. David did nothing to provoke Saul’s jealousy, nothing to cause Saul to muster his troops and come after him. In Psalm 18 it is as if David feels the need to introduce his enemies to his God. Some of you need to do the same. Now I am convinced that, for most of us, our enemies aren’t real people with skin on. Most of us fight enemies within and the enemy of our soul (Satan) without.

Let me go on record by saying that Satan is furiously jealous of you. If you belong to Christ, Satan thought he had won the battle…til Jesus came out of the grave. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that Satan knows the future. He does not!

For three days he celebrated while the angels wept. But when Jesus came out of the tomb, he winced, he wiggled, he writhed in ego-devastating pain.

And he is insanely jealous of you and will do whatever it takes to take you down, or to make you down and out. Introduce him to your God. Here David uses nine words to describe his God. Let me paraphrase:

My weakness, meet my Strength. My instability, meet my Rock. My vulnerability, meet my Fortress. My addiction, meet my Deliverer. My flesh, meet my God. My insecurity, meet my Refuge. My doubts, meet my Shield. My lostness, meet my Salvation. My strongholds with a little “s”, meet my Stronghold with a big “S.”

My “I can’t” meet my “I will.” I will call upon the Lord who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.

The battle is the Lord’s. Your battle belongs to your God.

A Few Words From Me…and many words from my Favorite Black Preacher

My heart is heavy. I know your hearts are weary too. We are in a pandemic and pandemonium. I have three brief observations.

  1. The police officer who killed George Floyd is one police officer–not every police officer. I know many police officers. They are public servants, humble men and women who do great work every single day. The one who killed George Floyd does not represent them–at all.
  2. The looters who vandalize and destroy businesses, police cars and public buildings are not every American. I know many Americans, black and white, who are disgusted with what happened in Minneapolis. I’m one of them. I can’t bear to watch the video. There are people of all races, Democrats and Republicans, rich and poor, who are outraged. They are wonderful, articulate, respectful people who get up every day, go to work, love their families, support their communities and make the world a better place. The very small percentage of people defacing and destroying do not represent them–at all.
  3. I propose a third pan–panacea: a remedy for all ills or difficulty. I’m not being a pollyanna when I say that Jesus died for George Floyd and for the cop who killed him, for the looters and the business owners. That’s the other side of love. I could say more, but Dr. Robert Smith, the best African-American preacher I’ve ever heard, says it better than I ever could. When you take the time to listen to this sermon, you will understand why I’ve listened to it six times.

 

Your Destiny

ashley-van-nuys-etEZfkEWzNM-unsplashDestiny. The word has been abused and overused in some church circles, unused and neglected in others. I confess that I fall into the latter group so this blog is my repentance. Rather than over-spiritualize and overthink destiny, let me encourage you to connect it with the word “destination.” In a sense, your destiny and your destination are one and the same.

If I am a truck driver and I have to drive to Florida to pick up a delivery, turn around and drive back, Florida isn’t my destination–it is simply a stop on the way. However, if I’m a dad with two little kids who have watched all the Disney movies, and my little girl can’t wait to see Cinderella, and my son can’t wait to see Buzz Lightyear, Disney is my destination. I’m not even thinking of home as I drive to Florida…I’m thinking about Disney.

Paul wrote about destiny.

For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. (1 Thessalonians 5:10-11, ESV)

Our destiny is God Himself! Did you get that? Oh my! Whether we are awake (that’s an euphemism for being alive) or asleep (a metaphor for death), we are with him.

Since Jesus died for us, we get to live with him.

What does living with him look like–now and then? Over the course of our twenty years of marriage, Wendy and I have had more than a dozen kids live with us who were not ours. They had their own beds, ate at our table just like our own kids, used our towels, soap and toothpaste. If they were old enough, they drove my truck, played basketball in our driveway, and even went with us on trips. They lived with us and for that time, we didn’t view them as anything less than our own kids.

We live with Jesus now. That’s our destiny. We will live with him then. That’s our destiny. Asleep or awake, our destiny is Jesus himself! What are we to do with this momentous knowledge? Encourage one another! Build one another up!

Encourage five people today.

Here’s my challenge today. Encourage five people…intentionally send a message to five people to encourage them and see what happens. You will be blown away by how much they needed your timely words. After all, they are your brothers. They are your sisters. They are family! And we all have the same destiny.

The Solid Rock

I’ve just started a small book written by John Piper. My friend, and member of my Life Group, Jeremy Pittman, recommended a brief Bible Study based on the book: Coronavirus and Christ. I won’t recommend a book I haven’t read, but I do want to share a few words from the foreword.

This is a time when the fragile form of this world is felt. The seemingly solid foundations are shaking. The question we should be asking is, Do we have a Rock under our feet? A Rock that cannot be shaken–ever?

This entire ordeal has shaken the foundations of what we consider to be near and dear to our hearts. Where the coronavirus once reigned, confusion now reigns. We wonder who and what to believe, how we should think.

If you’re standing on the Rock, you can wonder without wandering.

Tonight my friends Jamie Burnette, Savannah Allison and I will gather around the piano to sing old hymns and some newer songs too. One of them will be “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.” Join us on Facebook Live around 7:15. In the meantime, I’ll let you know how the book goes and share morsels of encouragement where they emerge.

I love seeing young people on fire for God. Enjoy this rendition of The Solid Rock.

3 Reasons I’m Still Hopeful

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I wrote this blog in early March. I thought now, in mid-May, that it’s worth a review. How have we done? I view it kind of like a report card. Judge for yourself. Here goes.

The news isn’t encouraging. That’s an understatement. The number of coronavirus cases continues to rise. The pending threat of a pandemic outbreak is real. But I am hopeful. I really am. Here’s why.

We know how to take care of each other.

We have a track record in McDowell County of taking care of one another. Eleven years ago when gas prices skyrocketed and food prices soared, and the unemployment rate in McDowell County was on the rise (eventually reaching 16% in early 2009), we came together to feed hungry children. Called Lunch Bunch, churches, businesses, the local newspaper and individuals said “not on my watch” will kids go hungry. Since then we have provided food for 500 kids a summer–McDowell Countians have given more than $500,000 to make that happen. No grants. Just people helping each other. We know how to take care of each other.

We know how to work together.

We have the best Emergency Management Department in the state, led by compassionate and capable people. We have compassionate and capable leaders in every sector of our local government–they care about the people of McDowell County more than themselves. Last year when our county was threatened by repeated floods, I sat in a room with a team of remarkable leaders. Everyone checked their egos at the door and we offered our resources–whatever we had–to get us through. The CEO of the hospital, County Manager, Superintendent of Schools, Sheriff, leaders of other law enforcement agencies, Director of the Department of Social Services, and many more…put our heads and hearts together to do whatever we could to make McDowell Countians safe. We know how to work together.

We know how to trust God.

Psalm 112 is my “goto” Psalm when my trust in God falters. It begins with promises I’ve clung to more than once.

Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who greatly delights in his commandments! His offspring will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. (Psalm 112:2-3, ESV)

It then turns to the inevitable reality of life. It is from these words that we glean timeless truths we can hold onto during temporary bouts of difficulty.

Darkness must give way to light.

Light dawns in the darkness for the upright; he is gracious, merciful, and righteous.  (Psalm 112:4, ESV)

The upright, happy, blessed person who fears the Lord will still face darkness. Just as day gives way to night, dark times are inevitable. However, for the God-fearing, Jesus-delighting follower, darkness must give way to light.

We can help–not hoard.

It is well with the man who deals generously and lends; who conducts his affairs with justice. For the righteous will never be moved; he will be remembered forever. He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn is exalted in honor. (Psalm 112:6,9, ESV)

Notice how the righteous person responds in crisis, in dark times: he or she deals generously and lends. She distributes freely. He gives to the poor. Already shelves are emptying as people “panic-buy” in light of the approaching crisis. Christians have a history of running “to” the crisis, not away from it. We go to the epicenter of earthquakes, rush to ground zero of hurricanes. We give instead of take, go instead of stay, help instead of hoard. The coronavirus must be no different. Begin thinking now, how can I help? I promise you, this will change your mindset.

We can trust–not be terrified.

He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries. (Psalm 112:7-8, ESV)

Bad news is inevitable. No one is saying that the coronavirus isn’t bad news. For some, it can be dangerous. For others, it is simply threatening. For all of us it’s real. But it isn’t the end. It’s bad, and it makes for bad news. When bad news comes, we have a choice. A steady heart is a trusting heart. A firm heart is a trusting heart. God is trustworthy. He’s brought us through before and will do it again.

None of Psalm 112 calls for abandoning wisdom. Wash your hands, cover your cough, take care of yourself.

And if it rolls into our county, I can’t wait to see how God will work…and we will too. We will “look in triumph on our adversaries.”

He Sees What We Don’t

I’m not sure if I’ve ever lived in a time where more confusing information abounds about what we are going through. It is hard to sift through, throw out the bad and keep the good. In times like these it’s imperative to focus on what we do know, not what we don’t know. And it is also necessary to focus on a God who knows all.

Last night we gathered again around my piano and sang some old songs. (I tried to clip a video but that is way above my pay grade!). So if you will scrub over to about 26 minutes in on this video you will hear a song called, “He Sees What We Don’t.” It’s powerful.

 

Bless the Lord for Blessed Assurance

There are five books of songs in the Bible, combined into one book called the Psalms. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed how they’re organized but the books are not evenly divided according to chapters. Opinions vary as to why there are five. Some think it mimics the first five books of the Old Testament–the Torah. One thing we do know is how each of the books ends.

Book One (Psalms 1-41) ends with this verse: Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting! Amen and Amen.

Book Two (Psalms 42-72) ends with these verses: Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who alone does wondrous things. Blessed be his glorious name forever; may the whole earth be filled with his glory! Amen and Amen! The prayers of David, the son of Jesse, are ended.

Book Three (Psalms 73-89) ends with this verse: Blessed be the Lord forever! Amen and Amen.

Book Four (Psalms 74-106) ends with this verse: Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting! And let all the people say, “Amen! Praise the Lord!”

The last verse of Psalms, and of course the end of the 5th book, is this: Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!

The theme is obvious: Bless the Lord! Praise the Lord! These days, as in the days of the writers of the Psalms, there are many opportunities to complain, many reasons to whine,  multiple situations that can easily cause frustration. My challenge to you today: praise the Lord! Bless the Lord!

Fanny Crosby (1839-1908) had reason to grumble. Blind at the age of six weeks, Crosby grew up in a world unaccustomed to caring for the blind. She began writing hymns as a six-year-old, and became a teacher at the New York Institute of the Blind at the age of 22. One of her most famous hymns reiterates the thrust of the Psalms:

Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine, O what a foretaste of glory divine…She goes on to write. This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long. This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long.

If Fanny Crosby can praise the Lord, and if each book of the Psalms ends with praising the Lord, then we should (must!) too.

Selah

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How long will all of you attack a man
    to batter him,
    like a leaning wall, a tottering fence?
They only plan to thrust him down from his high position.
    They take pleasure in falsehood.
They bless with their mouths,
    but inwardly they curse. Selah  (Psalm 62:3-4)

David’s quiet waiting on God is punctuated by a reminder that his enemies are real. Often the silent times of our lives reveal our deepest fears. David is in a desperate place. He likens himself to a leaning wall and a tottering fence. Leaning walls are in danger of falling. Tottering fences can easily be compromised. He is under constant attack.

Perhaps that’s where you are today. You feel like a leaning wall, a tottering fence. You wonder how much more you can take, how much pressure you can endure.

Every believer has three enemies: the world, our own sinful nature, and Satan. Our enemies combine forces to do what David describes: they only plan to thrust him down from his high position. Jesus reiterated David’s words in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy.” The world will allure you, your sinful nature will appease you and Satan will attack you. They take pleasure in falsehood. The world lies. Your sinful nature lies. Satan is the father of lies. They bless with their mouths, but inwardly they curse.

Sin always has a facade–behind it lies the smell of death.

Selah. Why would David have us pause and think about this? Here’s why. You will appreciate your rescuer when you realize what He has rescued from. Pause today and reflect on where you would be without Jesus. In John 10:10, Jesus went on to say, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” That’s worth waiting for.